Oh, I’m Fifteen Now

Hi. I’m fifteen years old now. No not today. My actually birthday was in, oh, 1st January. I am totally bragging right now. 1st January. Every one begins the year with my birth. DO YOU REALISE MY POWEEEEEEEER?

Now some of you will be like: ” Rayan, I don’t give two fucks about your birthday. But why is there a sudden change in your writing style? It was so mature and sexy yesterday! You sound like a brat right now.”

The answer to that is simple.  I don’t feel mature today. I feel childish and energetic. Personality DOES change writing style. Oh I’m off topic. DID I MENTION MY BIRTHDAY IS ON THE FIRST DAY OF THE NEW YEAR? I DID? WELL IM GONNA MENTION IT AGAIN!

1st JANUAAAAAAAAAAARY!

Don’t comment something like “belated happy birthday”, you’re way too late.

 

Take A Look- Part 3

“Alright! Now we’re getting somewhere. Follow me we got an agenda to follow!” Said the Alien.

“You are talking properly” deducted Finn

“Of course! The Internet is a mix of different types of English. Now come in the space craft.”

Now it should be clear to the reader that going into strange space crafts is against the rules of self preservation. But nine-year olds don’t have a sense of self preservation, do they? Finn and the Alien walked into the space craft. It doesn’t matter how the space craft was in the inside (bigger probably) except the fact there was a holographic table in the middle.

The Alien and Finn reached the table. The alien explained to Finn that this table was infact a terraforming device which could do quite close to anything to the planet.

“Now, you gotta understand, I’m the representative of a league of alien empires, and we believe humanity is ready to join us. With a few minor touches of course, you are going to make those touches” said the Alien.

“Oh. I don’t like geese. Kill the geese.” says Finn.

“XD, WTF man you don’t like geese? K then.” The Alien typed something and pressed a button “They are dead now. But we need to do something about the pollution”

“Hmm. Pollution cause ice bergs to melt, right? Convert the pollution into ice cream!”

We all can see where this is going.

Take A Look- Part 2 (A Humorous Satire)

The reader at this point maybe wondering: “Why in hell would Finn piss on a UFO?”. I’ll tell you why. UFOs are just things which bring out our human curiousity, but in Finn’s case it brought out an inner animal which had layed dormant for generations due to evolution. But it had come out now, facing an adversity which even 10000 years of development hadn’t prepared it for. So it did the most safest thing it could; peed on the UFO to show its dominance.

Or maybe Finn’s bladder was full.

But the most curious thing happend as soon as Finn urinated on said spacecraft. A ramp opened up from the ship. A figure walked down the ramp. It doesn’t take much brain power to guess that was an alien. It doesn’t matter what sort of alien it was; I’ll leave that to your imagination.

“Wassup, bitch-ass mofo! You the representative of this smexy planet here?” Asked the alien in, not surprisingly,English.

Finn looked up at the alien. He took a good, hard look. 

“You talk weird” Concluded Finn.

“No you tiny of piece shit. I have swagged this language from your people’s worldwide database. The Internet. So you the representative,boy? I totes need to meet my swagalicous dudes up in mah home planet, yo so make this quick bitch”

“Uh, yes I’m the representative” said Finn, very unwisely not knowing what he got himself into.

To be continued.

Take A Look- A (attempted) Humourous Satire

Finn, looked up. He saw his ceiling. On that particular ceiling was a little model of a plane. Finn liked planes. Well, all 9 year olds like planes. Unless we’re talking about an acrophobic 9 year olds, that is. But Finn, by no means was an acrophobic child. 

Finn was on his bed. Finn liked his bed quite a lot, apart from planes. It was a double bunk bed although he didn’t have a sibling. He likes bunk beds you see. His bed was quite close to his window. A study table was next to his bed. Quite a curious thing for a nine-year old to have, for the total amount of studying they do wouldn’t put pressure on the mind of a gold fish. His parents were in the next room.

Finn’s house wasn’t large not by any means, not for a house atleast. Two storyied. Slanting roof. Large back-garden. Everything a stereotypical Mexican wants. Speaking of the back-garden, something large landed on it. This being a short story I will keep it so by making it clear it was an Alien space craft. Imagine the spacecraft to be as you wish. It doesn’t matter.

Now like all good clichés, Finn noticed said space craft, but naturally his parents didn’t. Like all good clichés he snuck out of his house. Like all good clichés he approached said space craft with an atomised look on his face. Like all bad clichés he decided to urinate on the space ship.

That was his first bad move.
TO BE CONTINUED.

There’s Something Wrong With My Body

As the name of the post suggests, there is something wrong with my body. Not as in something like Cancer or Dyslexia, but something equally annoying (how is cancer annoying?).

For example my body does things at the wrong moments. Yesterday, I was brushing my teeth and my body thought that it would a GREAT idea to sneeze. I ended up getting spit and snot and brush bristles all over the mirror and my self. I hope my body is proud of that. And whenever I’m talking to someone about something important my body suddenly  decides its priorities are higher than mine; random parts of my body start to itch, I suddenly feel an urge to dance, I start to sneeze every other sentence and my mouth goes completely dry.

What the actual fuck is wrong with my body?

My body’s metabolism and biological clock is wrack as well. At random-ass moments I feel hungry and after a few seconds of that feeling,I feel sleepy. 

There’s something wrong with my body.

DAMN PHYSICS, YOU SCARY

Physics is scary as fuck. I lack the words to describe the immensity of its scariness. And, no I’m not talking about how it’s scary as a subject in school. I’m talking about how it’s scary as the major component of making the universe work.

Just imagine, if for some reason, Physics decided that today was a good day to stop working. Yeah. Just imagine. Gravity won’t be there. Neither would be earth. Infact the whole universe would collapse. Life as we know it would cease to exist.

And Scientists just add to my paranoia. They say that, and I quote- ‘ Due to anomalies in the time-space spectrum, the very source code of the universe maybe changed and physics as we know it may stop existing’. That not it. There are multiple ways that physics can slay us. Here’s a list

1. Jumping of a cliff (Gravity…. Duh)

2. Our sun turning into blackhole early due to increased mass.

3. Radiation

4. False Vacum (at some point in the universe, due to disturbances in a major particle, enough energy is released to DELETE OUR UNIVERSE FROM EXISTENCE )

5.Solar Tide (our sun releases enough solar energy in one go, TO LITERALLY BURN US OF THE FACE OF THE PLANET)

6. Gamma Bursts

7. Accidental Nuclear explosions

Aaaaaaand the list goes on. That’s why physics is so damn scary, it could kill us all in one swift strike, like a sword and we can’t do shit about it. 

 Fiction-#1

The following story is fictional. Excuse the sex jokes. 
When I was in high school (9th Grade or so) I really wanted to go in for solo-singing for the next annual day. Now to make this clear an “Annual Day” in our school which is held, as you may have guessed, annually. Students just perform little skits, or sing songs or just try to entertain the audience.

So as I was saying, I wanted to go for solo-singing. To get selected I had to audition in front of Mrs. Jacks, our music teacher. Mrs.Jacks was quite a fat woman. No not plump, not large, not massive, just fat. She had flabs of fat hanging from her cheeks, much like a bulldog. And the glasses she wore were simply hideous. She was all in all, every Tinder users’ nightmare.

I’m a good soprano. I have a nice, deep voice which doesn’t usually falter. But falter it did when  I gazed upon the amount of people in for solo-singing.  My chance came up after a while, and I announced what I wanted to sing and started singing.

I began the song and I came to a part where I really had to deepen my voice. I did so. Apparently it wasn’t enough, because Mrs.Jacks jumped saying “Go on, Rayan, Deeper. As much deep as you can. I’m not getting that nice feeling yet.” Everyone behind me burst out laughing. But in their defence,they were teenagers, they took nearly everything as a sexual joke.

As I continued the song, Mrs.Jacks kept making weird noises. Noises like- “Aah” and “Unh” and “Ooh” -and saying things like- “Keep it coming” or “it’s so good!” Or “this is the best”- I’m sure my dear reader,you’ll agree that Mrs.Jacks,back then, was very sexually aroused. By what? I hope it wasn’t me.

A couple of days later, the results of the auditions came out. I was in for solo-singing! But all selected participants had to have “personal lessons” from Mrs.Jacks for the next three days.

I decided I was better of not doing solo-singing.